Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
