I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
