Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
