I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
