Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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