Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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