He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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