All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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