i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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