So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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