I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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