MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
