think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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