My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
