I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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