i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
