you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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