i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
