I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
someone owes me an orgasm
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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