she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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