my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
