I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
