i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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