How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
