That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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