I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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