you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
