In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
