There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
