Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
