Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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