capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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