She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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