How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
