I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
