i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize