Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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