Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
