I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
