A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
