Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
