I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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