Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
