my mouth tastes like poor choices
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
