what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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