My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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