Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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