So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
