i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
