U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
