he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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