This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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