My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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