I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
40s are totally the cure
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
