Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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