until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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