she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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