I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My liver just had a heart attack.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize