Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
