Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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