In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
