so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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