so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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