i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
