hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
