so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
