he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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