we have pet lesbian snakes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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