Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
