Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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