At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
