It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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